It’s a new year and a new start to a new chapter, a new beginning. What does that tells you? What does the future holds for you? How do you look at the future? These are the questions which ran in the dark corner of my mind. It seems reluctant to leave and linger around to put dark thoughts into my head.
Last year brought a very deep impact in my life, one that really changed my perception on certain things, things such as friends and my views in life. Last year threw me in a rollercoaster ride, a ride of a lifetime to which my mind and soul would never forget.
But what is important for my mind and soul at this moment is this present time, this year. Already it started not the way I have planned it or let just say, not the way I’ve expected it. Maybe life is telling me something and that I should just follow the course of what life has in store for me.
At the end of last year, I met someone who has the power to change my course of life in term of my views and what I used to believe and hold dear, close to my heart. This person makes me think of things to which I have never think of, makes me think of hopes and happiness, makes me relinquish my old fears, makes me wander to unknown territories, one that I have always push back at the corner of my mind but now it seems to have gotten out from the box and are roaring for freedom to escape from being long buried in me.
Still, lingering doubts are there to haunt me and making me curve my desire to roam free without an anchor to hold me down. Dark, suspicious thoughts telling me not to give too much hope or expectation to these new directions but the wonders of it all are just too much for me to handle.
Whoever could have thought that I would ever think of marriage? Commitment? About letting go of myself to think of a family of my own? About embarking to new adventures with this person? I would never have thought of these years before but why now? Why the sudden rushed of giving chances, chances that hold such a deep fears in me before?
For all my life, pushing away men is what I do the best. Sheltering myself away from men is what I will do each time someone will try to break down the barrier that I have put around me. Giving in to the unmerciful bad thinking inside my head is what I will usually do and will always listen to them because it will give me the good excuses of getting rid of each men who came along and that these men are never the right person to unlock me from my negative thinking. But, as I sit here thinking it all out aloud, it makes me wonder why, why now and why this person?
Sighing or wishing is not going to give me the answer that I seek but for me to just let it be and for once to give these a chance is what I should do and one that I will do for this is just a start to something more, there are so much more far ahead! It seems after all, this new year does have something new for me, something for me to ponder and something for me to cherish. By accepting these changes at an early stage, it opens a wide path for me to explore things to which I didn’t dare to taste before. It has given me the key to unlock new forbidden treasures ahead of me and I promise myself, unlocking it is what I’ll do. Thus, new chapters and new beginning shall take it destiny wherever it may lead me!
“Life smile for me up ahead,
Showering me with blessed hopes,
Hopes that will bring dreams,
Dreams that will lead to destiny,
A destiny for me to cope,
As unwinding path lies beyond,
Chasing away demons,
As hopes and dreams collide,
Creating such magnificent delights!”
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