New Year: New Start

It’s a new year and a new start to a new chapter, a new beginning. What does that tells you? What does the future holds for you? How do you look at the future? These are the questions which ran in the dark corner of my mind. It seems reluctant to leave and linger around to put dark thoughts into my head.

Last year brought a very deep impact in my life, one that really changed my perception on certain things, things such as friends and my views in life. Last year threw me in a rollercoaster ride, a ride of a lifetime to which my mind and soul would never forget.

But what is important for my mind and soul at this moment is this present time, this year. Already it started not the way I have planned it or let just say, not the way I’ve expected it. Maybe life is telling me something and that I should just follow the course of what life has in store for me.

At the end of last year, I met someone who has the power to change my course of life in term of my views and what I used to believe and hold dear, close to my heart. This person makes me think of things to which I have never think of, makes me think of hopes and happiness, makes me relinquish my old fears, makes me wander to unknown territories, one that I have always push back at the corner of my mind but now it seems to have gotten out from the box and are roaring for freedom to escape from being long buried in me.

Still, lingering doubts are there to haunt me and making me curve my desire to roam free without an anchor to hold me down. Dark, suspicious thoughts telling me not to give too much hope or expectation to these new directions but the wonders of it all are just too much for me to handle.

Whoever could have thought that I would ever think of marriage? Commitment? About letting go of myself to think of a family of my own? About embarking to new adventures with this person? I would never have thought of these years before but why now? Why the sudden rushed of giving chances, chances that hold such a deep fears in me before?

For all my life, pushing away men is what I do the best. Sheltering myself away from men is what I will do each time someone will try to break down the barrier that I have put around me. Giving in to the unmerciful bad thinking inside my head is what I will usually do and will always listen to them because it will give me the good excuses of getting rid of each men who came along and that these men are never the right person to unlock me from my negative thinking. But, as I sit here thinking it all out aloud, it makes me wonder why, why now and why this person?
Sighing or wishing is not going to give me the answer that I seek but for me to just let it be and for once to give these a chance is what I should do and one that I will do for this is just a start to something more, there are so much more far ahead! It seems after all, this new year does have something new for me, something for me to ponder and something for me to cherish. By accepting these changes at an early stage, it opens a wide path for me to explore things to which I didn’t dare to taste before. It has given me the key to unlock new forbidden treasures ahead of me and I promise myself, unlocking it is what I’ll do. Thus, new chapters and new beginning shall take it destiny wherever it may lead me!

“Life smile for me up ahead,
Showering me with blessed hopes,
Hopes that will bring dreams,
Dreams that will lead to destiny,
A destiny for me to cope,
As unwinding path lies beyond,
Chasing away demons,
As hopes and dreams collide,
Creating such magnificent delights!”

The Past

Each day passes and each moment people are getting older. Have you ever looked back and tried to rewind things? The feeling of wanting to do things all over again or simply wanting to redo things.

The past for some of us, stayed at the past but for some of us though,we tend to still live in it. How do one knows that one has moved on and no longer live in the past? For this I think, depend on how the person accept the past and how well did one let go of it.

I have such a powerful past and one that I am trully grateful for. The past for me is something that I must learn whether it is the bad past or good past, it always means bringing me to another level in life, to another chapter and to another begining. Bad past for me holds a special meaning as much as the good past, in other sense, having it both ways to make up the present moment and the future whereby sad moments and happy moments will still make me smile whenever I look back on what I have been or gone through in life.

I cherish all memories, all mistakes and all struggles. And it excites me each day upon waking up knowing that I will have to go through either a different or the same journey of the day. Each of us has our own journey of the day and at the end of it, its up to us how we want to digest it before closing that day to start a new journey ahead. The most important thing that we have to be aware of is how we accept and close the journey so that we'll be able to secure another day to go through.

I have met people who still live in their own shadows, in their own past and not able to fully embrace the present and to live the future. Letting go of it is very important and vital for one to start a new begining. There is no easier way of letting it go except making the past feels like it is a beautiful thing to learn from.

For me, being able to walk away easily on any situation has made things easier to let go no matter how hard it is for me to try to cling onto it. Having a strong self-discipline though, will help us to decide on what to do.

Thinking of moving on? Well, bear in mind first on how you want to close the previous chapter before doing it because that will influence on what is ahead. One thing to remember though, the simple rule in this world, what happens in the past can't never be rewind, and so live it, learn it and love it. Have a nice day!

Thought of The Day

How do one motivates oneself?

I have been in this sense of being demotivated for months now and it is such a struggle for me day by day. It's like a feeling of wanting to shrink away from reality, away from the world, away from everyone.

It's a feeling that I wish I can overcome with but as time goes by it seems that I have lost the will to fight. Living for me is like a fantasy and that I wasn't really there. That I'm on a auto-pilot mode and never really awake.

I'm so immuned and that there will be times that I can feel pain so bad until I went numb with it and what I did was just to push it aside and never really think of it as pain. I learn to let go of things which caused me pain and I even learn not to feel any emotion when I deal with someone which can bring me pain as well. I learn to cast aside that person and simply move on with or without that person.

I've come to the point where I'm so determined to move on with my life with or without the people to whom I want to share my life with, be it with friends or love ones. I learn to love myself and be friend with my ownself whenever I face problems and whenever things get tough.

Life for me is like a fairy tales and that I'm no longer surprise at what life has in store for me each day. At least I don't rant about things and I don't think negative whenever things get rough and tough for me.

I have been reading the news and the comments on each of these news, and it saddened me that people are so twisted in the mind sometime. In there, they will rant and whine about things maybe simply because of the pleasure of mocking other people or trying to soothe their ownself by poking fun at others.

I guess life can be difficult, for that I have to agree but for me I simply refuse to succumb to negative thinking and be a negative person. I may live on a auto-pilot mode and that is for me as a tool for survival. Being this way, it keeps me on my feet to survive this harsh world. Others I guess, chose a different mode to survive. I'm thankful though and I'm still sane enough to think things through. My thought of the day "Live and learn".

We are Human

I've been reading the entertainment news lately and it annoys me that too much stuffs about Britney Spears are everywhere. Poor Britney though that she has to cope with the media and the people who are either obsess with her or hate her. It makes me wonder about her case in court though about the child custody battle. I wonder if the court is influenced by the media when it comes to judging Britney, is this even possible? A lot has been said and too much attention has been given to Britney's parenting skills and it seems that whatever she does, it is always wrong in the eyes of the public. The media is trying very hard to portrayed Britney as this badly chaotic girl who is incapable of being a mother and this lead to a misleading perception from the public. The one person who has benefited to these all is her ex-husband whereby he gets a child support and spouse support from Britney. Not only that, Britney has been ordered to pay for her ex-husband legal fees! Oh wow, Mr kevin Federline sure is a very lucky man. People often take advantage of someone else mistakes and often the one who have to bear the burden is those who has been taken advantage of. Heather Mills for example, is rather going for the painful and stressful battle of getting the divorce settlement than agreeing to what was offered to her. Is going for this painful experience worth that much? Yeah, it means getting millions of dollar but would this money would bring you happiness? Isn't it better if you just move on and forget about the battle of getting the millions? I don't know, I guess I'm still naive in this sense.

Life

I'm sitting here thinking about the past and the present and it brings back the memory that I've shared with people close to me or those who aren't close to me. It makes me realized that no matter how hard life treated me, it is still not as bad as what those around me have to endure. I've come to a point that I'm such a lucky person after all. I have not come from a rich family nor from a well educated family. I should say that my family is well below the average family of my friends but then when it comes to happiness, it seems that my family is the strongest among my friends' families. I grew up in a different environment with different thinking and I'm starting to appreciate life that I've to endure growing up during my childhood. I don't moan and whine about life now because it is far more better than what I've used to get when I was a child. But then, a lot of people around me especially my own friends doesn't seem to appreciate on what they have. Don't they realize that they are so lucky? That they have everything there provided by their parents without having to work hard for it? And still it is not enough? What more do they want? A close friend of mine for instance, has everything prepare for her by her parents but then still she's not happy because she is so busy chasing the notion of being in love that she completely forget to appreciate those who are close to her. It is so hard for me to understand how people will go to the extreme just to get the attention so that people will pity them and treat them like a fragile person when in truth they don't actually deserve it. I don't understand why people like to be pitited and treated like a disable person when in fact they are not. Is pity such a very important element in life for survival? Pity from others is what you need for survival? These things can leave me speechless sometime and I have no word of comment when it will be thrown my way, that I'm unable to give a piece of advice when it will be asked from me. You know, these people around me who still seek for something when it is already there really should open their mind and eyes, I'm tired of watching them making a drama out of their own life. I can only hope that they will realize this, I have done my part but I guess in the end the decisions are in their own hands. God bless them.